i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
