Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
