3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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