I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
