How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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