You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
