Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
