So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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