I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
