I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
