i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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