Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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