went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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