so explain again why im purple
no
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
