I just pynch a tree in the face
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
