my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i drank out of a bidet.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
