i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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