Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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