wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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