Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
