She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
