We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
