gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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