so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
