Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
