i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
