I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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