There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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