take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
