i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
