chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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