I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
