lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
