if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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