i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
