there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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