mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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