I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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