The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
