The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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