Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
