you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
