you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
