OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
