is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
