Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
