It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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