i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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