so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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