i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
