We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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