hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
