the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
