I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
