I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
