this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
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